Did you have one parent who you placed on a pedestal and could do no wrong?
Was the other always to blame for what went wrong in your life?
If you resonate with this, then you could be suffering from something I call the ‘Golden Parent Wound’.
You may have heard about the golden child and scapegoat child dynamic, where in dysfunctional families one child can do no wrong while the other gets the blame for everything. But have you heard about the Golden Parent and Scapegoat Parent?
Our parents and upbringing have an incredible impact on our future success and happiness, and this is not always a good thing! The Golden Parent Wound is something which I have discovered after years of working on healing both myself and thousands of clients, and is something which, once healed, can be a catalyst for incredible transformation in yourself, your life and your business.
In fact, the biggest shifts (and biggest gifts) in my life, relationships and business success came from healing my Golden Parent Wound.
What is the concept of the Scapegoat Parent?
‘Scapegoats’ exist in dysfunctional families as a person to blame for anything that goes wrong within the family. There are many reasons for why and how scapegoats are chosen, but most of these are subconscious and could be based on personality traits and even looks (if they remind us of someone!).
We often think that one parent is to blame for our issues, I call this the Scapegoat Parent. We usually feel very negatively towards this parent and believe they deserve all our blame for the past.
Unlike the unfair and untrue blame put onto scapegoated children, there can be a lot of truth in this blame onto the Scapegoat Parent. The Scapegoat Parent is often the parent who has abused, abandoned or deeply hurt us in some way. However, they are not necessarily the only person to blame for our problems and struggles – and that is where the hidden wound lies. We spend a lot of our healing journey focusing on healing from the pain the scapegoat parent has contributed to, which takes away the benefit of healing from the other stuff too.
What is the concept of the Golden Parent?
In our eyes, the Golden Parent can often do no wrong. We place them on a pedestal and give them our sympathy, compassion and unconditional love. We make excuses for them and are more understanding of their needs and difficulties. This is partly because of the need to believe that we had at least one good or ‘perfect’ parent, at least one person in our childhood who cared about us and for us.
However, what we don’t see (and often don’t want to see!), is that the Golden Parent also hurt us, had faults and made mistakes, and in many ways, this could have been the most damaging relationship of all to our sense of self.
We need to believe that we are not so ‘unlovable’ that both parents could have ‘wronged’ us.
You see, I have seen this illusion time and time again. An illusion the mind creates in order to protect us and offer some validation. An illusion to keep us safe from the pain caused by the Golden parent. You see, The Golden Parent is usually the parent who did not protect you from the abusive, toxic or neglectful parent.
How the Golden Parent Wound is Impacting your Success
When we have a Golden Parent Wound which is still hidden or unhealed, it can impact how we think and feel about ourselves and impact the success of our life, relationships and even our businesses.
Perhaps some of these signs will resonate with you:
- Feeling not worthy of love or protection
- Believing our needs are not important or we are not important or do not matter
- Unresolved negative emotions impacting on our health and wellbeing and not understanding where these feelings are coming from
- Struggling to feel safe to connect on a deeper level to our partners or children
- Underlying anger or resentment leading to feeling triggered by both parents and not understanding why
- Blind spots in our own work with our clients or seeing this wound being mirrored in the clients we attract (it’s coming up to show us where we need to heal)
- Not feeling safe enough to achieve your full potential
- Not feeling safe to outgrow your Golden Parent or do something different to what they expect of you (cue huge guilt feelings and wanting to always please them!)
- Lack of self trust, doubting yourself and blaming yourself for things when they go wrong
- Feeling you have healed the scapegoat parent wounds but still not seeing the result or success you desire.
What happens when you heal this wound?
The Golden Parent Wound can often be the hidden wound that is holding you back in multiple ways. Healing this gives you the most profound sense of freedom and a deep understanding of yourself. It releases the power within you to manifest all that you desire in your life.
You are finally able to rewrite the belief that you are not worthy of love or protection. You will feel empowered in the knowledge that you both understand what your needs are as well as how to meet them. Your whole self-concept transforms into more loving, accepting and trusting of yourself.
Freedom from the Golden Parent Wound will lead to the freedom to be able to feel safe to connect with that parent, your children and even partner on a deeper level and be able to trust others more.
In Business, once you have healed your own Golden Parent Wound you are able to become more confident in your work and in reaching your full potential. You are no longer afraid to outgrow your parents or take a different path.You will feel more able to share your authentic self with your audience and attract more clients to working with you. The ripple effect is profound.
Once you have healed your wounds, you are better able to heal the wounds of others. Your own insights about your hidden wounds will allow you to be a more competent therapist, coach and healer able to have a more profound impact on your clients, helping them to heal the wounds impacting them and holding back their success.
How to Heal from the Golden Parent Wound
To heal from the Golden Parent Wound, you first need to know that it exists! The HeartHealing journey takes you through many layers of deep healing linked to relational wounds and emotional wounds caused by our caregivers. It not only allows opportunities to discover the truth about the Golden Parent and to heal the wound created by them, but also allows you to heal from other past traumas so you unlock more love, inner peace, money and success.
Unveiling the truth about the Golden Parent, facing and healing the hidden hurt they caused can actually be more freeing than the healing from the abusive parent. It’s usually the pain caused by the Golden Parent that is the deepest wound stopping you from achieving your full potential.
If you feel you are being held back by the Golden Parent Wound remember, you ARE worthy of protection. Whether in your personal or professional life you should protect yourself from people who are narcissistic, toxic or abusive. Choose the relationships you build carefully, have insurance and contracts in place to protect your business and make the decision not to work with toxic clients.
Your heart is your portal to receiving. Heal your heart, receive more love, inner peace, money and success.
To undertake your own healing journey and experience a huge transformation, leading to the ultimate uplevel, take a look at the Ultimate Uplevel Academy. The Ultimate Uplevel Academy will introduce you to the missing ingredient from any personal development or business course you have ever done – the deeply profound work that will silence your Saboteurs, unlock your hidden potential and make you magnetic to success and abundance, in all areas of your life.
Find out more about me, how we can work together, or take the success saboteur archetype quiz to find out what is blocking your next level of success.
See also: Mother Wounds – what they are and how to heal them
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